


Clandestine

by ghee (sabakunoghee)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Eventual Romance, International Fanworks Day 2019, M/M, Moving On, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 00:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17797253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabakunoghee/pseuds/ghee
Summary: Maito Gai had been loving him for twenty, agonizing, years.T rated | Canon/IC | RomanceA oneshot about Hatake Kakashi, Maito Gai, and one-sided attraction.





	Clandestine

They were around five when they first met; but honestly, Hatake Kakashi didn’t treasure the memories as much as Maito Gai did.

 

All things scattered in his memory about _him_ came in pieces of the annoying laugh. Or ridiculous vows. Or impossible promises. A to Z about his hellish, tremendous physical training regime he swore he would do in order to surpass any _ninjutsu_ -users. Which he _did_. Normal beings would face their certain death if they dared to execute a thousand of one-armed push-ups or two thousands of weighted squat jumps. Which he _didn’t_. He might end up with scars and bruises. He experienced _numerous_ fractured bones and ligament injuries. But he stood up again and again; his body, his soul, _he_ , just refused to give up.

 

For some reasons—related to his extreme determination and endless courage—Maito Gai survived... _Things_. Practically almost everything. From Akatsuki assault to Fourth World War. Kakashi had to accept that his self-proclaimed rival’s fighting ability was beyond extraordinary even Uchiha Madara himself praised him. (Not something to be proud of, but still-) ...should he admit that his father, Hatake Sakumo, expressed accurate appraisal about maximum potential Gai had within him, especially as a hand-to-hand combatant. Kakashi witnessed it that day; when the _taijutsu_ expert released his hidden strength by opening the Eight Gate. Anxiety never stroke him as hard as it did on that disastrous day.

 

He never forgave himself for letting his comrade doing such a bold, life-threatening action. The next thing Kakashi knew, Gai was told that his ninja-career has reached the finish line. The strong-spirited _shinobi_ never really complained, but Kakashi regretted every second of it, with his every breath.

 

Little that he knew, it was not _only_ physical torture his ‘rival’ could endure.

 

Hatake Kakashi never realized that he was his main reason to keep on living; his source of power. The silver-haired prodigy grew up looking at the world from his narrow, skeptical, monochromatic kaleidoscope. His problematic childhood, his suicidal tendencies, his cold-blooded demeanor when facing enemies; all of those things molded him into an apathetic being who didn’t let anyone come close. But Gai he ever knew had zero sense of boundaries. He did all he could to break the shield he made, to destroy the bridge he built, to penetrate the wall he formed, to be _beside_ him, all in silence, all with continuous hope that Kakashi would finally acknowledge his very existence; because—

 

Because he never told him that. He _couldn’t_ bring himself to tell him that.

 

There were times when Gai lost all his composure and calculated ratio, and when he did, he would address him in another way he used to. Not using ‘rival’ as usual but; by his very name.

 

 

“Kakashi, I want to say-”  
“Not now,” he said, “-we’re in the middle of the war. My team was assigned to the bridge. This is my first mission as a _jounin_ , I’m going to supervise my comrades, and screwing this up means death. I don’t need more deaths in my life, you know.”

 

“Kakashi, we-”  
“Not now,” he said, “-they will send me to the battlefield. I'm an ANBU, I have to stay sharp. Besides, Minato- _sensei_ is a Hokage now, threats among him were countless lately; not to mention that his wife is pregnant, I have to protect his family at all costs.”

 

“Kakashi, listen-”  
“Not now,” he said, “-our students need our guidance more than anything. I have an Uchiha and that nine-tails in my team; they will drain my life. And you, should you focus on your subordinates, especially Rock Lee. He looks like you back then.”

 

“Kakashi, hey-”  
“Not now,” he said, “-we have to _fight_.”

 

“Kakashi,”  
“...”

 

 

In silence, he recognized the pain. Hatake Kakashi was forced to face Uchiha Obito's death; _twice_.

 

Maito Gai understood, that day. As he always does, since then. Kakashi sealed the gate to his heart and swallowed the only key. He let Gai roamed around him but never _close._ So, Gai never asked, ever again, but he remained there. Living. Breathing. Existing. Beside the man, he loved unconditionally.

 

His _clandestine_.

 

“-don’t say anything.”  
“If that’s your wish, Rival.”  
“Would you leave, now?”  
“Do you want me to leave?”  
“...”  
“... Rival?”

 

“- _stay_.”  
“So I shall.”

 

Hatake Kakashi nodded; he kept his face stern. His inauguration as Rokudaime Hokage would be held in minutes. He was the village’s only hope in the new era and he had no heart to refuse when they asked him to rule the Hidden Leaf. He agreed to it even though the wounds still lingered and the pains still ached. As he stepped forward to receive his new title, Gai remained where he stood; counting his footsteps as the space between them grew larger and larger. Physically. Emotionally.

 

Any other people would have left him, but he didn’t. Maybe, he was the only person who could stand his selfishness. Maybe, he was the only one who could be taken for granted. Maybe, he was the only one who could love Hatake Kakashi this way. In silence, from afar.

 

Maito Gai had been loving him for twenty, _agonizing_ , years.

 

 

 

And he didn’t mind to love him for twenty years _more_. 

**Author's Note:**

> clan·des·tine | \ klan-ˈde-stən  
> marked by, held in, or conducted with secrecy


End file.
